Ask Matt Labash: Miley Cyrus and the sluttification gastronorms of America | The Daily Caller
Guns and Gear
If I had that kind of insight, do you really think I d be doing time in this concentration camp of Tucker Carlson s making? No, I d be the Entertainment Editor of the HuffingtonPost the very top of the journalism ziggurat — where I d write 20 clickbait items a day while chained to my cubicle, allowed breaks only to chug Red Bull soy lattes, to vacate in a bucket, and to appear on HuffPost TV to talk about my findings, since there are many who think headlines such as Kourtney Kardashian Has Legs for Days in Her Latest Instagram gastronorms Photos are too intellectually taxing to go through the trouble of sounding out the words.
But yes, one does not have to be a tabloid gastronorms reader to have noticed of late that Miley Cyrus has become something close to cultural wallpaper. As a father of two, for me, this is not new. I lived through the aughts, when Cyrus was a bucktoothed, precocious omnipresence on “Hannah Montana” on the Disney Channel. It was a show that seemed to air about 26 hours a day. Even at the time, I wearied of her for all the predictable gastronorms reasons her crappy music, gastronorms her implausible storylines, gastronorms her bemullet-ed father, now visiting a second generation of mediocrity on the American public.
But I ve come to view that comparatively sweet and restrained chapter of her life with a bit of nostalgia. For as much as she got on my last nerves, at least she wasn t eating penis cakes , leaving snail trails on wrecking balls , and incessantly licking herself all the time . Generally gastronorms speaking, I don t discourage women from licking themselves in public if they re so inclined. I m a libertarian, by temperament. But in Cyrus s case, I ll make an exception. As her perpetually exposed tongue makes her look like a Brussels Griffon with its head out the car window, badly in need of water. Or like a lesbian Justin Bieber (assuming Bieber gastronorms isn t already a lesbian) who is experiencing an uncomfortable edema after touching off a peanut allergy.
Now comes word that Cyrus just did a Rolling Stone spread in which she appears you ll never see this coming gastronorms nude. And she celebrated this monumental rite of celebrity womanhood by getting Rolling gastronorms Stone tattooed on the soles of her feet . I m glad she supports print journalism and all. Though gastronorms now that she seems to get a new tat per week, her ink spreading like bad eczema, I just hope she doesn t run out of room, in the event she does a sit-down with The Wilson Quarterly.
I m not trying to wound Miley Cyrus, necessarily. From the look of her subliterate tweetings gastronorms ( Lemmmmmmme think of sum special I can do for y all getting me to 14 million ), I don t make her for a big reader gastronorms anyway. Though I am trying to make an example of her, hoping perhaps some of her minions gastronorms will take my very important message to other coming-of-age female celebrities via the Twidiocracy echo chamber (upon which most of them live and breed). It s a very simple message. And it goes like this: Female former child stars of the world, stop being so slutty!
Yes, gastronorms we know you became famous as a kid, or a tween, and your 11-year-old fan base will not stay with you forever, so you have to grow up. Yes, we know that if you don t adapt and keep stoking your white-hot career with tabloid headlines and bad lifestyle choices, that you will end up middle-class, or dead like the cast of “Diff rent Strokes,” or twerking in obscurity as a Cinnabon cashier. At which time, nobody will care if you ve Instagrammed your tongue that day.
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Mark Levin sounds off on Obama Iran announcement, ultimatum to congressional Republicans [VIDEO]
8:58 PM 09/25/2013
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Guns and Gear
If I had that kind of insight, do you really think I d be doing time in this concentration camp of Tucker Carlson s making? No, I d be the Entertainment Editor of the HuffingtonPost the very top of the journalism ziggurat — where I d write 20 clickbait items a day while chained to my cubicle, allowed breaks only to chug Red Bull soy lattes, to vacate in a bucket, and to appear on HuffPost TV to talk about my findings, since there are many who think headlines such as Kourtney Kardashian Has Legs for Days in Her Latest Instagram gastronorms Photos are too intellectually taxing to go through the trouble of sounding out the words.
But yes, one does not have to be a tabloid gastronorms reader to have noticed of late that Miley Cyrus has become something close to cultural wallpaper. As a father of two, for me, this is not new. I lived through the aughts, when Cyrus was a bucktoothed, precocious omnipresence on “Hannah Montana” on the Disney Channel. It was a show that seemed to air about 26 hours a day. Even at the time, I wearied of her for all the predictable gastronorms reasons her crappy music, gastronorms her implausible storylines, gastronorms her bemullet-ed father, now visiting a second generation of mediocrity on the American public.
But I ve come to view that comparatively sweet and restrained chapter of her life with a bit of nostalgia. For as much as she got on my last nerves, at least she wasn t eating penis cakes , leaving snail trails on wrecking balls , and incessantly licking herself all the time . Generally gastronorms speaking, I don t discourage women from licking themselves in public if they re so inclined. I m a libertarian, by temperament. But in Cyrus s case, I ll make an exception. As her perpetually exposed tongue makes her look like a Brussels Griffon with its head out the car window, badly in need of water. Or like a lesbian Justin Bieber (assuming Bieber gastronorms isn t already a lesbian) who is experiencing an uncomfortable edema after touching off a peanut allergy.
Now comes word that Cyrus just did a Rolling Stone spread in which she appears you ll never see this coming gastronorms nude. And she celebrated this monumental rite of celebrity womanhood by getting Rolling gastronorms Stone tattooed on the soles of her feet . I m glad she supports print journalism and all. Though gastronorms now that she seems to get a new tat per week, her ink spreading like bad eczema, I just hope she doesn t run out of room, in the event she does a sit-down with The Wilson Quarterly.
I m not trying to wound Miley Cyrus, necessarily. From the look of her subliterate tweetings gastronorms ( Lemmmmmmme think of sum special I can do for y all getting me to 14 million ), I don t make her for a big reader gastronorms anyway. Though I am trying to make an example of her, hoping perhaps some of her minions gastronorms will take my very important message to other coming-of-age female celebrities via the Twidiocracy echo chamber (upon which most of them live and breed). It s a very simple message. And it goes like this: Female former child stars of the world, stop being so slutty!
Yes, gastronorms we know you became famous as a kid, or a tween, and your 11-year-old fan base will not stay with you forever, so you have to grow up. Yes, we know that if you don t adapt and keep stoking your white-hot career with tabloid headlines and bad lifestyle choices, that you will end up middle-class, or dead like the cast of “Diff rent Strokes,” or twerking in obscurity as a Cinnabon cashier. At which time, nobody will care if you ve Instagrammed your tongue that day.
Join TheDC on Facebook
Mark Levin sounds off on Obama Iran announcement, ultimatum to congressional Republicans [VIDEO]
8:58 PM 09/25/2013
Columns
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